I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
