His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
