Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
