I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
