5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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