I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
