I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Randomize