His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize