Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
