Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
