I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
