my sisters under your porch take her home
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
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