So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
