i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
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