I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
