Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
The Olympian is in my bed
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
