I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
