There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
