a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
