shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
