a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I think im going to throw up on grandma
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize