I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize