Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
