I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Randomize
