Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
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