I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
