When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
