I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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