I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
