Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
