weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
