Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
