Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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