"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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