There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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