i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize