I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He better not be in your backpack
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
