no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
