U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I looked at my own cervix.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
