Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
