I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
