she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize