you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
