She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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