I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
