Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
