During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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