I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
