I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize