Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
the liver wants what the liver wants
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
