youre lurking in front of me
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
