I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
high people should be assigned attendants
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
