You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
