Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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