Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
