I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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