I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
