why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
