You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
