What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
