I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
