Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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