I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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