at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
pray to the hookup gods
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
