Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize