I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
