I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
