i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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