Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
