Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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