Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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