if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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