i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize