i think my mom watched the whole time
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize