i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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