At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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