Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
