I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
